1. I have been pretty busy, mainly with training.
2. I have realised that as my new found sobriety feels more natural, I will have less and less to say, and I dont want this to simply become a journal. In short, I don't want to write for the sake of writing.
I think the first point is the main reason I haven't had much motivation to write anything over the past few days, but the reasons go further than simple tiredness or lack of time. It is ironic, but the stability and peace of mind that running gives me means that I don't feel quite the same desire to get all of my thoughts out. A bad day at work or an evening where the bar is calling my name, can be quickly remedied by running. When that flame of frustration or anger is temporarily extinguished, it can be harder to write. I am not complaining. This is a good 'problem' to have.
In the coming weeks and months, expect my updates to fit this kind of format. Unless, of course, I have something particularly interesting to say.
Saturday 12th November
The novelty of having the freedom to wake up early on a Saturday morning has not yet abated, so by 7:30am I was raring to start my scheduled 8 mile run. I ran with a fellow member of NBR (North Brooklyn Runners) and had a relaxed 8min/mile run to Roosevelt Island and back, followed by a trip to Blue Bottle for the greatest ice coffee in the world...
In the afternoon, I went shopping. This is a pretty big deal for me as I do not enjoy shopping for anything other than clothes, and my goal for this trip was to find a desk and a chair so I can more easily study and work at home. I have planned this particular shopping trip many times in the months past, but through a combination of the regular Saturday hangover, my lack of energy due to too many late nights, and my natural predisposition for procrastination, I had yet to do it. Perhaps it is a measure of how long it has been since I felt like a 'normal person', but it is amazing how much satisfaction I am gaining from situations that to most people would be routine events. As I made my way home from the furniture store in Soho, I felt truly elated to be able to cross something off of my 'to do' list.
In the evening I walked around Greenpoint for a while with a friend, discussing our respective life changes and other matters. It was the first time since this experiment began that I can honestly say I had no desire to go to a bar, despite it being a Saturday night. In fact, as I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to carry me off through the night, it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the last time I had such an enjoyable evening.
Sunday 13th November
The appeal of waking up early was slightly diminished today, for the good reason that I had a 16mile run ahead of me! It was the kind of morning where I let myself allow thoughts of 'why am I doing this??' to enter my mind, something which I am usually good at avoiding. I set off at 8am, a full hour later than I had wanted to, and I cant say I felt particularly motivated. I was running along Flushing Avenue feeling sorry for myself, when as if fate had intended it, I was given a motivational sign. Coming towards me in the opposite direction, I saw a smiling and waving figure. As I got closer I realised that it was one of the best runners in NBR, a man that had 7 days previously run 2:45 in the NYC Marathon. I had only run with him once before (a 5mile 7min/mile pace run that had left me on the verge of collapse!), but he remembered me and said a few words of encouragement as we passed each other. The fact that he was out running before me, despite such an awesome accomplishment barely a week before that would more than justify some time off for relaxation, was a welcome reminder that achievement takes sacrifice and hard work, and that my abstention from alcohol was nothing compared to the amount of work he is willing to put towards achieving his goals. As I crouched on the pavement at the end of my run, spitting into the gutter and trying not to throw up, I could only think about the feeling of motivation he had unwittingly given me that morning.
Monday 14th to Thursday 17th November
It is certainly getting easier as the days go by, or perhaps I have been so lax in keeping this blog up to date that I have simply forgotten how I felt this week. The only event of note during this period was a fantastic Tuesday night run with a friend in Central Park. 8 hilly miles in 57:54 may be laughable to 'serious' runners, or meaningless to those that don't run so have no frame of reference of whether this is good or not, but by my standard this is a massive leap forward. Frankly, if someone had told me one month ago that I'd be able to sustain a sub 7:15 min/mile pace for 8 miles, I wouldn't have believed them.
As I have said before, the training was a convenient peg on which to hang my decision to live without alcohol, and it has also made it easier to deal with the inevitable casual inquiry as to why I'm the only one without a drink. However, I do wonder how much harder this experiment would be if I didn't have such a time intensive activity, with tangible and quantifiable goals, to occupy my time. Perhaps I'll find out if I decide to make this a permanent lifestyle choice!
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